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“While vaginal intercourse remains relatively common, that trend looks very much like the anal sex behavior in gay men,” he notes, adding that straight couples’ sexual events involve penis-in-vagina penetration only slightly more than half of the time. population and says intercourse is down across the board in both gay and straight couples. While Reece’s study was conducted more than seven years ago, his team continues to undertake nationally represented studies of the U.S. They’re much more likely to include what most consider to be foreplay, he tells me - i.e., mutual masturbation, kissing, cuddling, massage, fingering and oral interaction - with anal intercourse “probably only happening in about a third of gay sexual events.” “I’d say it’s probably in the low to mid-30s,” says Michael Reece, a professor in the School of Health at Indiana University who co-authored the study. Perhaps it’s no surprise then that a 2011 study by researchers at Indiana University and George Mason University revealed that less than 40 percent of men interacting with other men for sex actually had anal intercourse in their most recent sexual event. “I wanted vanilla people to understand that being a side is just as masculine as someone having penetrative sex.”īut as gay apps and hookup sites don’t allow users to identify as such - Grindr, for example, only offers “top,” “bottom” and “ versatile ” (indicating a willingness to go both ways) - sides have struggled to connect with like-minded gay men, leading to the formation of Meetup groups like the one I recently joined in L.A. “Men have been conditioned to think that penetrating a vagina or an anus with their dicks is everything,” he says, which he thinks has become inextricably linked to masculinity, particularly in the U.S. After receiving dozens of calls from ashamed and upset gay clients, many who used the term “broken” to describe their sexual proclivities, Kort (who also identifies as a side) would talk them off the ledge. “I wanted people to understand that it’s okay if you don’t like anal intercourse,” Kort tells me, adding that when people say “sex,” they usually think of “penile penetration,” especially gay guys. He explained that sides enjoy practically every sexual practice aside from anal penetration and choose to be sexually peripheral, so to speak, rather than on the top or the bottom. In a HuffPo article, Kort presented an alternative to the binary classification employed by most gay men to note their preferred sexual position - i.e., “ top ,” the penetrat or in bed, or “ bottom ,” the penetrat ee - by introducing the term “sides” to indicate one’s affinity for neither - and maybe more importantly, disdain for both. They call themselves “ sides ,” a term coined in 2013 by Joe Kort, a Detroit-based clinical therapist who’s been counseling such men for nearly 30 years. with a handful of gay men who have sworn off anal sex for good. I’m nibbling on a grocery-store cheese plate in a spacious home in East L.A.